I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think i got beer on your cat.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
