she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
