I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
