maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
