I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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