its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
