oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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