definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
