just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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