6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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