Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
