all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have aggressive nipples.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
