Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
