one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
