Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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