people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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