At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
