Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
