i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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