I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize