May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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