I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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