her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
