I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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