Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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