The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
