So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
