the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
