He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
