Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
