dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
