I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
