If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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