I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Mom said you looked used
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
