Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
