youre lurking in front of me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
