Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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