false alarm. still invincible.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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