Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
