I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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