I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
