What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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