so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
