Someone shit on the floor
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
