After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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