And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
