You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
