At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
