just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
handjob tips. give me some.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
