"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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