I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
