allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
