But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize