My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
