I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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