i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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