Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
