Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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