so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize