Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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