I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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