I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
