idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
