don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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