??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
