you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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