ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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