Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
