and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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