oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
