i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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