I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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