you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
