I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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