I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
