the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize