Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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