why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
