you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
