some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
