So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need to calm my uterus...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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