Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize