I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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