i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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