She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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