Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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