How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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